Miscarriage, infertility, and infant loss inflict pains that no woman, couple, or family should ever
have to go through. Yet, we do.
We live in a fallen and sinful world where evil is allowed to exist. And part of that includes the
pain of our families not growing in the ways we had hoped and dreamed they would.
But then, what happens when they do grow the way we want? Where should our hearts lie when
we find ourselves with answered prayers and growing bellies?
At the start of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month we want to take time to remember
not only those who are still grieving the loss of their sweet babes, but also those who are trying
to balance that loss with the joy of a new pregnancy.
It’s a hard place to be – in the intersection of grieving the child/children/dreams of a family, and
the joy and uncertainty of that answered prayer. And it’s ok to take time to process that. It’s ok to
feel as if you’re experiencing a loss even with such joy on the horizon.
When an expectant mother who has dealt with infertility or pregnancy/infant loss moves from
not expecting to expecting, she does sometimes go through a grieving process of sorts. Because
as much as that new babe is wanted, it’s been a long road to get there, and that expectant
mother/couple have likely picked up many allies along the way.
The communities that gather around the shared topic of infertility and infant loss are close-knit
and intimate, and leaving that group behind to move forward into a pregnancy is a loss in itself.
If you know a couple who is currently pregnant, but has dealt with loss, be gentle when they
don’t seem as excited as they “should” be. Understand that there are a lot of fears, doubts, and
even sadness that comes with getting pregnant after loss, and those feelings can stick around
throughout the whole pregnancy.
In the same breath, if you’re a woman going through a pregnancy after loss, know it’s ok if
you’re not feeling the joy that others seem to think you should. It’s ok to cry and be sad. It’s ok
to dearly love the baby growing in your belly, but also mourn the ones you’ve lost. And if you’re
cautiously connected to that sweet bump of yours, that’s ok, too. Pregnancy after loss or
infertility is a beautiful, confusing, frustrating thing. And no two women or couples are going to
handle it the same way. Just know that wherever you are in your journey, whatever feelings or
emotions you’re having, Guiding Star is here to support you and your growing family in
whatever way we can.